Two Beds and a Coffee Machine
by colormetheworld
Summary: "Do you ever go down a road, thinking you'll be able to come back anytime you want, and then..." Jane makes a vague gesture. "You wake, and all of a sudden all of the things you thought you would get around to changing, all of the things you thought were under control just…" she trails off looking down at her hands. "Never mind," she sighs. "I don't know." NOTE THE RATING.
1. Stay Down

" _What about that one?" he scoots a little closer to her on the bench, and points out a woman as she jogs by. She has on leggings that stop mid-calf, and a snug, form fitting tank top._

" _What about that one?" He asks again, as she shakes her head, looking down into her lap._

" _Seriously? I don't think you're being honest with me. She's hotter than you are, and that's saying something."_

" _No," she says hoarsely._

 _Casey pretends to mope. "I feel like you're not enjoying this," he says, reaching out to run a finger along her jaw. "I'm trying to connect more with you."_

 _Jane tries not to clench her fists. "You read my private writing," she says under her breath. "You had no right."_

" _I'm your husband," Casey says brightly. "Nothing's off limits. Not even your diary."_

" _It's not-" She cuts herself off, unwilling to take the obvious bait. "This can't be fun for you," she says instead. "There's no way you're enjoying any of this. Why don't you just walk away. I wouldn't keep Riley or Kara from you. I wouldn't-"_

 _But Casey looks away from her, indicating a new passerby with a lift of his chin. He slides his arm around her shoulder, and presses his fingers hard against the spot where he knows there is a bruise._

 _She hisses._

" _What about that one?" he asks. "The one with the stroller. Would you leave me for her, Jane?"_

…

…

"I was paged?" Maura steps into the brightly lit waiting area of the clinic, looking around at the patients still there, wondering whose injury is serious enough for her to be summoned at 2AM.

"Dr. Isles," she turns to see RN Susie Chang hurrying towards her. "Thank you so much for coming. I know it's late…or early, I suppose."

"It's not a problem," Maura says. "When we opened, I said no matter the hour. These women and men deserve that."

"Yes, Doctor," Susie says. "Thank you."

Maura turns to the little waiting area again. There is a girl, half asleep in her seat, with the dark circles and pale pallor of a street kid. She twitches herself awake, and when she sees Maura looking at her, she turns her head away.

There is a young man with an infant on his lap, but neither of them look to be in very bad shape.

"Where-"

"I already brought her through to a room," Susie says, beckoning the doctor towards the back corridor. "She had two kids, and one of them seemed about asleep on his feet."

Maura feels her worry and her anger spike. She hates it when there are children involved.

"Are the children hurt?"

"No, Doctor," Susie says. "And...I don't know how much you'll be able to do for their mother." Susie hesitates.

"Should you have called an ambulance?"

"She is refusing to go to the hospital," Susie says, stopping outside of one of the two bedroom suites that line the back of the clinic. Susie gestures to a rolling cart parked by the door. "I stocked this with everything I think you'll need," She says quietly.

"Aggressive?"

"No," Susie says. "Not at all."

"Verbal?"

"Minimally."

Maura nods. "Okay. Are you alright? Do you need a moment?" Susie always has more trouble tending to the patients than Maura does. It is hard for her not to ask questions about what happened, to not fill with righteous anger at even half of a story.

"Yes," Susie says with a deep breath. "Yes - I mean - no. I'm okay."

Maura nods again. "I'll come check in with you when I'm through," she says. And after Susie nods and heads back to the front desk, she steps up to the door marked 212, knocks softly, and pushes it inward.

….

….

" _Detective. Come in. Take a seat."_

 _There are already two other people the office when Jane arrives, and she takes the vacant seat between the strangers with a rising sense of foreboding. It doesn't help that Korsak looks graver than she can ever remember seeing him. She bites back the witty retort on the tip of her tongue and waits for someone else to speak first._

" _Thank you for coming Detective Rizzoli," Korsak says formally. Jane feels her anxiety spike even more. "We don't want to take you away from work for too long, so I'll try to make this brief. This is Herman White, your Union Rep," Korsak indicates the man on her left. "And this is Doctor Alexander Russell, he's…" Korsak hesitates as their eyes meet for the first time. "He's the Department Psychologist."_

 _Jane stares blankly at Korsak, trying to figure out what kind of trouble she must be in to find herself surrounded by such people._

" _Okay," she manages, when it is clear they expect her to speak. It's lame, but she can't think of anything else to say._

 _Korsak frowns at her. He was clearly expecting more. The psychologist takes that moment to interject._

" _If I might, Sergeant," he says, turning in his seat so that he is facing Jane. "I know that this meeting might seem daunting, Detective Rizzoli, but I assure you, everyone in this room just wants what's best for you, your career, and your family."_

 _Jane feels panic slice through the mild irritation at this man's condescension. She turns back to Korsak sharply._

" _Is my family okay?" she asks._

 _It is Dr. Russell who answers this question. "What would make you ask that, Jane?"_

 _Jane snorts. She can't help herself. "You just brought them up," she says, not bothering to disguise her irritation this time. She turns back to Korsak. "Is it Kara? Is she okay? Can I call-"_

" _Calm down, Jane," Korsak cuts across her. "Kara's fine, and so is Riley. They're fine. It's…It's just that…" Again, he looks flustered. Unable to meet her eyes._

" _There have been allegations made against you." This is the union rep on her other side, and she spins to face him. His face is impassive, almost bored._

" _What?"_

" _There have been allegations made against you," Mr. White repeats, as though commenting on the weather. "Domestic abuse and child endangerment."_

 _Jane feels all the air leave her chest in one sharp burst._

" _Not official," Dr. Russell says quickly. "Not official reports. That's why we're all here now. Korsak insisted we sit down and talk about what's going on. He feels we can come to an understanding about-"_

" _Casey says I hurt my children?" She asks. She leans forward trying to get Korsak to meet his eyes. "He says I-"_

 _Dr. Russell's hand on her shoulder cuts her sentence short._

 _In the days and weeks and_ _years_ _to come, she will think about this moment every single day. She will never in her life have more regret over one of her actions._

 _She shoves her hands out at the therapist, surprised by the contact, and already half full of misplaced rage and incapacitating fear._

" _DON'T TOUCH ME!" she yells._

…

…

The woman sitting on the end of the bed closest to the door needs a hospital. Maura can tell this just by looking at her. She is tall and slim, with dark brown hair and sharp cheekbones. She's wearing denim jeans that are spattered with blood, rust brown now. She presses a dishtowel to her right cheek, and scowls at the floor, holding herself tightly, clearly in pain.

On the other bed against the wall are two figures, already tucked in. A girl, nine or ten, and a little boy, who is half that at most. Both of their eyes are closed, and neither of them stirs as she enters the room.

"Hi there," Maura says quietly, pulling the cart of supplies in after her. "My name is Maura. I came to see what we can do about your injuries."

"Doctor?"

The question is short, out of the woman's mouth like a punch.

Maura wheels the cart forward a little more.

"Yes," she says, stepping forward. "Susie, the woman you saw when you came in, she said you might need stitches."

She squats down in front of the woman, looking up into her face. When she had begun seeing patients here, the move had felt condescending and patronizing, as though she was treating her peers like children simply because of their misfortune.

As time went on, however, she'd realized that many of them were grateful for what they took as a show of armistice. A definite promise that she was a person they could trust.

She meets the woman's gaze now, hard as steel. "Can I look at your cheek?" she asks, raising her gloved hands slowly. "Please?"

The other woman does not immediately consent, and when it's clear that Maura won't make a move until she does so, she sighs and looks away, pulling the dishtowel down as she does.

The cut is jagged and ugly, and it starts to drip blood again almost as soon as the pressure is removed. Maura moves quickly, pressing gauze to the wound tightly with a practiced hand and reaching to the medical cart for the peroxide without looking.

The brunette does not flinch or pull away. She doesn't even shut her eyes against the pain she feels. And Maura _knows_ she must be feeling pain. This cut _hurt_ when it was inflicted, and it hurts now.

"That's quite a laceration," Maura says, making sure her tone does not label this as judgment or a concern. "I'm going to clean it, give you some stitches – I should think eight will get the job done – and then put a bandage over it for the night. Will you put your hand over this while I get things ready?"

"No anesthesia," the woman says, doing as she's told.

"It's local," Maura answers, pausing her preparations to look at her. "It won't render you unconscious or unable to-"

"No. Anesthesia," the woman says again, her voice dropping lower.

Maura studies her. She isn't backing down, and she isn't breaking eye contact. Her shoulders are broad and muscled, and though she is slim, Maura had felt the strength she possessed when she'd been near her. She does not seem the type who would let anyone harm her. She seems too strong, and proud, and unafraid of a challenge.

"Alright," she says, turning back to the cart and putting the cap on the needle. "No anesthesia. It will hurt though. The stitches will hurt despite the pain medication Susie gave you when you arrived."

The woman nods. She finally looks away. "Fine," she says.

She sits through the entire procedure like stone, eyes straight ahead. It occurs to Maura at one point that she bears it all like a penance. Like a burden she has been chosen for, and cannot refuse.

She doesn't flinch. Not once.

…

"You haven't asked me my name." It's the longest sentence she's put together since Maura entered. "No one has."

"Would you like to tell me?" she asks. It's standard at the clinic to only take as much information as the guests give. Maura's vision had been to create a place where anyone could get treatment, even if they weren't ready to talk.

"Jane," The woman says. "And it's really Jane, that's not like, the lamest alias in the world."

Maura chuckles, "It's nice to meet you, Jane, though I wish it were under better circumstances."

Jane's face hardens at once, and Maura wishes she could pull the words back. She clears her throat.

"I'm not sure if Susie gave you the formal welcome when you arrived, since you needed immediate care, but you and your children are welcome to stay here for up to a month, and then even after that we have special circumstance reviews that can-"

"We'll only be here until Monday," Jane says, and then she looks apologetic. "Sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off."

Maura waves this apology away, and for a moment there is an awkward silence.

"I have to be back in Boston for work on Tuesday, "Jane says after a moment. "We just... I just needed..." She trails off, thinking.

"A break," Maura supplies gently.

Jane's shoulders slump slightly.

"Yeah," she says quietly. "A break."

Maura glances at the children in the next bed. The older girl is awake, Maura sees her snap her eyes shut quickly when she looks, feigning sleep.

"That's a long way to come," she says without thinking.

"What?"

Maura looks at her. "From Boston. It's a long way to come, for medical care."

Jane sets her jaw. "And a break," she reminds the doctor. Her tone suggests that there is no more to say on the matter.

"Well," Maura begins gathering the supplies and setting them back on the cart. "You're all welcome, as I've said. If you find yourself missing something, a toothbrush, socks, etc., there is a storage room that should have anything you need. It's back through the waiting room on your left."

Jane nods. "Thanks," She says, and it is clear that the combination of pain killers and safety is finally setting in. Or perhaps her show of strength is catching up with her at last. She is exhausted. Her wounds are recent and numerous. She has to be completely dead on her feet.

Maura pushes the cart toward the door. "I'll let you rest. I will be back in the morning to check the cut on your face, if that's alright with you. Please let the nurse at the front desk know if there is anything she can do to make you more comfortable."

Jane simply nods. "Thanks," she says again, turning away.

Maura shuts the door softly, but doesn't leave right away. She wheels the cart a few feet down the hallway, and then leans against the wall. It is pointless for her to go home. It is almost 1am, and she wants to check on Jane no later than nine. She's not due in the hospital until the following week, and so after a deep breath, he wheels the cart back to the waiting room and parks it by the front desk. Susie is sitting there, and she looks up as Maura sighs.

"It's bad, right?" She asks, though she already knows the answer.

"This is her first time here?" Maura asks.

Susie nods. "She checked yes on the form next to that question, and I think that's true. She  
didn't seem to know she could stay overnight. She just wanted some dinner for her kids and for someone to take a look at her face."

"Her children were unhurt physically, yes?"

"Yes, doctor. The little boy slept throughout getting settled, and the girl didn't say a word."

"Not surprising," Maura says softly "They've all clearly been through hell."

Susie makes an angry noise. "Monsters," she says.

Maura nods, but she is unable to muster the same amount of fury. At the moment, she is simply sad.

"I'm going to nap in one of the empty rooms, okay Susie? Wake me if there's anything out of the ordinary."

Susie nods, looking back down at her book. "Yes doctor."

…

…

 _When she arrives home, she is so angry that for several minutes, she just sits in the car and tries to breathe normally. She doesn't want to go into her house and – God Forbid – do any of the things her husband has accused her of._

 _Korsak's words and the words of the Psychiatrist are ringing in her ears._

" _We just want what's best for you."_

" _Anybody in your position would be hard pressed to keep it under wraps all the time."_

" _Nothing has to go into your record, Detective. At this point we're just making sure everyone is safe."_

 _Jane punches the steering wheel three times, as hard as she can, and when she gets out, she makes sure not to slam the door._

 _The front hall of her apartment smells like spaghetti sauce and garlic bread, and sure enough, when she rounds the corner, there they are._

 _Her family, huddled around the kitchen counter, preparing dinner._

" _Mommy!" Riley says when he sees her. He jumps down off of the chair he was using to reach the counter and runs to hug her. He lets her lift him into her arms without a single trace of fear._

 _Kara waves at her, all smiles._

 _And Casey. Her husband._

 _Well, doesn't he just beam at her, as though he knows exactly what happened to her today?_

 _She wants to kill him._

 _._

 _As soon as the children have fallen asleep, he comes to her. He finds her in the kitchen, drying dishes, and wraps his arms around her waist and he presses his face into the crook of her neck._

" _I couldn't let you leave me," He whispers._

 _Jane tries to turn around, but he holds her fast. She does not try hard to free herself, lest she hurt him, and bring his awful tale to life._

" _You could have tried not being a bastard," she hisses. "If you didn't want me to walk out."_

 _His grip around her waist tightens. "Don't be mean, Jane," he says quietly. "Please don't be mean. We're a family. Families stay together. The mother, the father, the children. All under one roof. You know that. You know it's what's right."_

 _Jane swallows bile. "And how many of those fathers_ _hit_ _the mother's that stay?" she asks furiously. "You fucking_ _hit_ _me, Casey."_

" _Jane," his voice is still low and calm against the back of her neck. "Jane," he says, like he could soothe her. "If I hit you it was to protect myself from you. It was to protect our kids from the random outbursts of anger and confusion that Mommy has. If I hit you, I was defending myself from a Jane Rizzoli that not many people get to see."_

" _I never touched you," she says, feeling cold dread start to leak down into the pit of her stomach._

 _Casey laughs. "How did your meeting go today, Jane?" he asks._

 _She doesn't answer, and he smiles against her skin. She wants to scream._

" _I've known you for a very long time, Jane," he continues, kissing along her neck to her shoulder. "You think I don't understand you. You think we can't be happy together. But we can."_

 _He presses her harder against the counter. "We can, can't we Jane?"_

…

…

Both children are awake when the doctor knocks on the door the next morning. She can hear them speaking over each other, and then the stamp of their feet as they rush toward the room.

The little boy gets to the door first, and he pulls it open with one hand, his other wrapped tightly around a little box of frosted flakes.

He smiles warily at her, but doesn't move to let her inside.

"Hello," she says with a smile. "My name is Maura. I was here last night, but I think you were sleeping."

"Yeah," he says, and his voice is rough and raspy, like his mother's. "I was asleep."

Still he doesn't move, but stands looking up at her, blatantly appraising her. She does the only think she can think of, and looks right back. He is younger than she thought last night, five at the most, but long legged and stick skinny, like someone has stretched his baby fat into the beginnings of a child. He has sandy brown hair and dark brown eyes, and he's dressed in a pair of corduroy pants that have been rolled almost five times to make walking possible.

Maura is about to ask if she can come in, when a familiar voice calls from out of sight.

"Rye, let the doctor in."

The boy glances over his shoulder and then back at Maura. "You'rea doctor?" he sounds skeptical. "Why 'int you say?"

He backs up obediently, but doesn't take his eyes off of her, even when he lifts the cereal box to his mouth again.

"C'mere, tough guy," Jane calls from the bed, and at her beckoning, he turns and scrabbles up onto the bed next to his mother.

On the other bed, with her nose buried in a book, is Jane's daughter. She has light blonde hair that falls past her shoulders, but when she looks up, Maura sees the same dark eyes and sharp features of her mother. Next to the girl on the bed is an apple core and an empty mini Coco Crispies box.

"I see you found the breakfast room," Maura says cheerfully, moving closer to Jane's bed. "Did you all get enough."

"Mom said I could only have one cereal," the little boy complains. "Even though I saw another boy take _three_."

It is unclear whether he is sharing this in order to be allowed another cereal or in order to get the other boy in trouble.

Jane rolls her eyes. "This is Riley," she says, nudging her son gently in the back. "And that is Kara."

Kara glances up from her book again. "Nice to meet you," she says automatically.

"You too, Kara."

Riley leans back against his mother's chest. "Are there video games here?"

This earns a scoff from Jane. "Riley," she begins, but Maura laughs.

"Yes," she says. As a matter of fact there are. They are in the kids common room. It's upstairs, and there are signs leading the way."

"I can read!" Riley says, already squirming down from the bed.

"Woah," Jane says, moving to stand too. Her movements are stiff, her shoulders clearly sore. "You can't go by yourself," she says, hooking Riley around the waist.

Instead of pushing against her, however, Riley turns in his mother's arms and lets himself be lifted, clinging to her like a koala.

"Will you go with him Kara?" Jane asks over her shoulder.

Kara makes a noise that is identical to her mother's scoff three minutes earlier.

"Please, hon. And when the doctor's finished, I'll come and you can find the nearest tree and read in peace. I promise."

Kara rolls her eyes, but gets off the bed without further protest. She looks up at Maura as she passes.

"It hurts," she says quietly. "Even if she says it doesn't."

And then, she has taken Riley's hand, and the two of them have disappeared out the door.

Maura turns back to Jane and finds the other woman looking at her intently.

"They're beautiful," Maura says.

Jane's face hardens at this compliment. "They're my world," she says. And then she sits down on the edge of the bed, and turns the bandaged side of her face to Maura.

And Maura, taking the hint, steps up to her and begins to peel it back.

Just like the night before, Jane does not flinch once.


	2. Hold Fast

_She remembers the day he realized that no amount of pride would keep her from walking out. She pushed herself up to her knees, licking the spot on her lip where he'd hit her, already tasting blood._

 _He'd backed up a little, and his face had cleared of the mad, disconnected rage it sometimes possessed._

 _They looked each other in the eyes._

 _And he knew._

" _They won't let you take my kids," He'd said, without any preamble. They were on the same page, he knew it. "They think you're unstable and that you never recovered from Hoyt. They think you can't be trusted, not really."_

" _I won't ask," she'd snarled back. "We'll just go."_

" _It'll break your mom's heart. Frost will be devastated, partner-less. We'll never stop hunting you."_

" _I'll never stop running. I'd rather raise them like hobos than have them grow up around you for one more second._

 _He'd looked at her for a long second, and then turned on his heel and left._

 _The next day, she stops at the daycare to pick up Riley, and the teacher who oversees pick-up tells her that Casey has already been to pick up her son, Kara in tow._

 _Jane breaks the sound barrier getting home._

 _No one is there._

 _For six, long, agonizing days, she waits. She dials her mom, who tells her not to get hysterical, Casey is a good father, and he probably sensed she was over-stressed._

 _She dials Korsak, hangs up._

 _She dials Frost, hangs up._

 _When they return, both children unhurt except for a new and lingering fear (mommy wants to be without us sometimes. Sometimes mommy doesn't love us.), She cries like she has not cried in years._

 _He is not as gentle as he could be that night, but he is also not as rough as he has been. When he is close, he pulls out and flips her over, on to her stomach. It is a move that makes her feel small and vulnerable. Weak._

" _This is the beginning," He says. "You're mine. This is only the beginning."_

 _It is four days later when the first murder by Hoyt's apprentice is committed._

…

…

Jane and Maura sit together at one of the Picnic tables behind the clinic, watching the little group of children play on the jungle gym.

Well, Jane is watching her children. Maura is sneaking discreet glances at Jane, trying to figure out a way to ask (again) if she can look at her injuries.

After their first visit, the little family returned two weeks later, and then again less than a week after that. They never stayed more than 72 hours, and Jane was never much more forthcoming, but Maura was there all three times, and she was the one to see to Jane's various cuts and bruises, and that last time, a broken pinky.

She discovered that ten year old Kara was an avid reader, that she wanted to be a veterinarian, and that she possessed an almost eidetic memory. She was guarded, like her mother, but Maura could talk about medicine and make her light up.

Riley, more of an enigma, never liked to be far from his mother, but on their second visit, he'd thrown a tantrum big enough to shake the tiny mirror in their room.

He'd caught his mother in the jaw with a wildly flailing foot, and through the door, Maura heard him scream at her. _You're a stupid cunt. You don't love us. You leave us behind._

Maura had been glad to be all the way down the hall when Jane burst out of the room. She'd watched from a distance as the brunette leaned against the wall, hand over her mouth, eyes shut tight.

And then, just when Maura was getting used to their presence, and had come to see them (however unfortunately) like a routine presence in the clinic, they had disappeared for almost three months.

At first, Maura had been happy. Although she wanted to see Jane again, she'd been glad that the other woman had not returned. She hoped it meant that they'd gotten out.

She hoped it meant that the abuse had stopped.

But no. Here they are, side by side after more than three months, and although Jane has no visible marks on her this time, she holds herself on the bench in a tight, cautious way. Maura had seen her enter, walking slowly enough that there could be no mistaking her for healthy.

"Doctor?" Jane's voice makes Maura start.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I was just thinking."

Jane looks away. "Oh. Okay."

"No," Maura clarifies, "I didn't mean I don't want to talk. Were you going to ask me something?"

Jane is silent for a moment. And then, "do you ever go down a road, thinking you'll be able to come back anytime you want, and then..." Jane makes a vague gesture with her hands. "You wake up one day, and all of a sudden all of the things you thought you would get around to changing, all of the things you thought were under control just…" she trails off looking down at her hands.

Maura looks down too and finds herself looking at scars that she hasn't noticed before. Jane has identical scars on the palms of her hands.

 _Scalpels_ Maura thinks, and then directly after that, she thinks of Jane's insistence that they not go to a hospital on her first visit to the clinic.

Jane sighs. "I don't know," She says. "Never mind."

But Maura nods quickly. "Yes. I know exactly what you mean," she says.

Jane glances at her. "Yeah?"

"Yes," Maura assures her. "I convinced myself for a long time that what I wanted was unreasonable. I tried very hard to be happy inside of a life that wasn't only dangerous. It was just not the one I was supposed to be living."

She doesn't usually speak about her own circumstances, but the moment seems to call for it. Jane seems more open than she usually is. More open and much, much sadder.

Jane turns her head to look fully at Maura, but she doesn't say anything. Maura gazes back at her, wondering again at the deep expressiveness of her eyes.

"Did you get away?" Jane asks finally, turning her attention back to her children. "Did you find  
the right path eventually?"

"Yes," Maura answers. "I did."

Jane nods. "Good," she answers.

"You could too, Jane," Maura says quietly. "It's a possibility. A real one."

Jane almost smiles. "Yeah," she says, though her tone holds no inflection. "Without them."

"No," Maura says firmly. "With them. Whatever he's told you-"

But Jane looks sharply at Maura, her expression one of surprise and abject fear. "He who?" she asks, voice louder than usual. "What are you talking about."

Maura shakes her head. "No-no one," she stammers. "I…I only meant-"

But Jane stands stiffly. "It's dinner," she says, with a glance at her watch.

"Jane," Maura stands too, she puts her hand on the other woman's shoulder, a risk that she must take. "He's a liar," she whispers.

Jane looks at her hard, face impassive, and Maura repeats herself, wishing she could bury the words in Jane's body like seeds.

"He's a _liar_."

Jane turns from her. "Dinner!" she calls to her children, and as they run toward her, Maura sees the other woman break into a real, genuine smile.

It is contagious enough to make Maura smile too, if just for the moment.

…

…

" _I can't believe you did this. I can't believe you would do this, Casey. You almost cost me my badge!"_

" _No,_ _you_ _almost cost you your badge. I didn't tell you to go spouting crazy stories to your boss. I didn't tell you to make insane claims, and sound like a paranoid nut job."_

" _You told Riley and Kara I didn't want them. You told them I'd told you to get them out of my sight."_

" _And as your loving, supportive husband, I did just that. I know that all of this stuff with Hoyt is getting to you, baby, but you really need to learn how to relax."_

" _You let him out. Casey, he_ _killed_ _a woman. Doesn't that mean anything to you? Are you so cold that-"_

" _You left me, Jane. You walked out. I told you there would be consequences. I told you that we hadn't begun to tap the surface of what I'm capable of. You heard me say that, and you walked out anyway. So, from where I'm standing…_ _you_ _killed a woman. Not me."_

" _I stopped him. Again."_

" _You stopped something that could have been avoided in the first place."_

" _If I'd stayed with you. If I stay with you."_

" _You're mine."_

" _You don't even love me, Casey. I'm not even sure you_ _like_ _me. I promise not to tell anyone, or say anything bad about you, but you have to let us go. I can't-"_

" _Right. So you can shack up with some lesbian, and make me a laughing stock?"_

"… _What are you talking…where did you get that?"_

" _For a cop, you suck at hiding things. Under the mattress? That's the most obvious place for a diary."_

" _It's not a diary. Give it to me. It's-"_

" _You're right. At this point it reads more like erotica. What do you think Kara's teacher would say if she knew you wanted to sit on her face?"_

" _It_ _doesn't_ _say that! Give it to me, please!"_

" _It might as well. What do you think Pop would say. If he knew these were his daughter's real desires?"_

" _Casey. Please."_

" _Oh, no, don't cry, Jane. You are ugly when you cry. I don't want you ugly right now."_

" _What_ _do_ _you want?"_

" _Come to bed. I'll show you."_

…

She finally agrees to an examination, when Maura comes to check on her after dinner. The kids are in the common room, watching Big Hero 6 with a couple other temporary residents, and Maura finds Jane in her room ("212 again," she joked. "Home sweet home.") sitting in the middle of her bed, Styrofoam cup of coffee in her hands.

After three minutes of careful, calculated prodding, Jane turns from the doctor and puts the cup onto the side table. She pulls her shirt over her head.

Maura has to look away in order to gather herself.

Jane sits facing away from her on the edge of the bed, like always, except now she is dressed in only her jeans and her sports bra. Her back is patterned with bruises, and as Maura draws closer, she sees that some of them are not bruises but bite marks. Someone has bitten her hard enough to bruise, hard enough, in some places, to break the skin.

"I'm going to come a bit closer, okay?" Maura asks. She waits until Jane nods before she moves.

"Like I said," Jane says wearily. "There's nothing you can do for it this time."

"These are bite marks," Maura says, unable to help herself. "Someone _bit_ you, Jane?"

The woman doesn't respond. She takes a deep breath in, and her shoulders rise and fall heavily

"Jane-"

"Please," Jane cuts her off, though her voice is not sharp, or accusing. Just exhausted.

"Okay," Maura says softly. "Okay. I'm sorry." And without thinking about it, she lowers her head and presses a kiss to the bite mark that lies high on Jane's shoulder. It is chaste, but it still makes the brunette shudder.

"Don't," she says, but there is no conviction in the words. She presses backwards, just the slightest bit, into Maura's hands.

"Arnica," Maura replies. "It will help with the pain."

Jane shakes her head. "I don't need it."

"There's no reason to bear this, if you don't have to," Maura reasons.

Jane hesitates, and then speaks quickly, in a rush. "It makes it harder," She says, "It makes it harder to go back. She ducks her head as though she's ashamed.

"And I do have to go back," She adds. "I know you don't understand. But I have to go back."

Her tone rings with such finality, that Maura doesn't feel like she can argue, no matter how much she'd like to.

…

…

 _Rizzoli Sunday is Jane's least favorite day of the month. She bundles the kids into the car, double checks Riley's booster seat and then climbs into the passenger seat as Casey starts the engine._

 _She is thinking about Maura, from the clinic. Thinking about how gentle her hands had been, pressing disinfectant to her back, making little 'tsk' noises as she went, like she cared about the skin underneath her fingers._

" _Mommy?" Riley pipes up from the back seat, "Do you think it will snow this weekend?"_

 _Jane blinks herself back to the present. "I don't know," she says, trying for the same excitement she can hear in his voice. "If it does, do you want to build a snow fort?"_

" _Yeah!" Riley says. "That'd be pretty cool! Will you help, daddy?"_

 _Casey smiles into the rearview mirror. Riley looks like his father, Jane thinks, though his grin is still genuine, without any sign of a sneer._

 _How long will that last? She wonders._

" _I dunno, my man," Casey says. "When I built forts back in the day, they were always no girls allowed."_

 _Riley frowns._

 _Jane sees Kara look up from her book. She recognizes the cover with a jolt. It is one that Maura had pressed into her hands the last time they were out at the clinic. A book about a teen prodigy veterinarian, and her many adventures._

" _What do you mean?" Riley asks slowly, still trying to work out his father's words. "Like, mom couldn't come in?"_

" _Well she's a girl, isn't she?" Casey answers._

 _This seems to be news to Riley, and Jane can only sit and watch, helpless, as this realization breaks over her son._

" _Yeah," he says after a moment's hesitation. "I guess she is."_

" _So you can build a fort with mommy, and have it be no girls allowed," Casey says. "But you can build one with daddy, and we can put my paint gun on the top for defense."_

 _Jane grits her teeth to keep herself from saying what they'd agreed upon when Riley was born. No guns, AT ALL, until he's twelve._

 _But Riley is warming to the idea very quickly. "To keep out the girls!" he says._

" _Now you're getting it, son!" Casey says proudly._

" _So no fort for me?" Kara pipes up. "Or do Mom and I build our own fort?"_

 _Jane has to restrain herself from turning around in her seat to look at her daughter. Kara hates the winter, she hates being cold, and Jane can count on one hand the number of times she's seen the child voluntarily play in the snow._

" _You can come in our fort, Kara," Riley says kindly._

" _Buddy," Casey says patiently. "Kara's a girl, like mommy."_

 _Riley considers this for longer. "But also," he says. "She's my friend."_

" _Mommy's not your friend?" Kara asks, as though she knows that Jane wants this question answered more than any other._

" _Course she is," He says, and he turns his still baby face to her and smiles. "Love you, Mommy!"_

 _Jane nods until he finds her voice. "Love you, Rye."_

 _Casey isn't smiling anymore._

…

 _The main reason that Jane hates Rizzoli Sunday is because of the number of people. She can't keep track of her children as well as she'd like, and she can't keep track of Casey at all. He flirts with her mother, and buddies up to her father._

 _Frankie even seems to like him, laughing gamely at his joke about women drivers._

 _Jane is sidetracked by Tommy's new girlfriend Lydia, who wants to know all about Tommy as a little boy, and so she isn't able to intervene when Angela asks Kara about her book._

 _There's nothing she can do when Kara shows it to her and says it was a gift._

" _Oh, your mother spoils you," Angela says with a smile._

" _That's not from Mommy," Riley says helpfully. "That book is from doctor Maura."_

 _She can feel her husband's interest sharpen from across the room._

 _There is nothing she can do._

" _Doctor Maura?" Casey asks. "Who is this now?"_

 _Kara looks at Jane, her face full of worry and fear. She is too old to be lied to, Jane realizes. She is too smart and too observant, and she_ _knows_ _that Maura and the clinic are a secret, and now she is afraid._

 _This is Kara, nine years old, entering into adulthood._

 _And this is Jane's fault too._

" _She's the doctor Mommy goes to when she's sick," Riley says, still too young and too helpful. "She makes Mommy stop crying, and then we play on the jungle gym and eat cereal, and watch cartoons."_

" _Wow," Casey says. He has not even looked in Jane's direction. "I'm glad Mommy has someone to talk to."_

 _Kara keeps looking at Jane. Her chapter book pressed tightly to her chest._

…

…

It has been a week and a half since Jane was in room 212 at the clinic, and Maura is having trouble thinking about anything or anyone else.

She is distracted enough that even Susie notices, tentatively asking her what's wrong after Maura files the same patient report for the third time.

"I'm thinking about Jane and her kids," Maura says. "Her injuries this last time were more extensive."

"More rage," Susie fills in.

Maura nods, and is about to tell her RN about the bite marks, when the bell that signals the front door goes off, and both women look around.

The man that enters is medium height, tall, with sandy brown hair and blue eyes. As he approaches the desk, Maura thinks there's something familiar about him, but she can't put her finger on what it is.

"Hello," He says, stopping in front of them with a precision that indicates a military background. "I'm looking for a Dr. Maura Isles?"

Maura glances at Susie. "That's me," she says, stepping forward. "How can I help you?"

The man regards her for a split second longer than normal before offering his hand. "My name is Corporal Casey Jones, and I've been sent by the Weymouth Police Department to request your assistance."

"My assistance?" Maura raises her eyebrows.

"Yes, Ma'am," the corporal says. "The detectives are searching for an unbiased medical opinion of one of their suspects in custody. He's a known serial killer and rapist, and on his deathbed, he's offered up confessions." The man stops, and looks appreciatively around the waiting area. "The detectives who sent me here to request your help said that you are the foremost authority on cases of abuse, the psychology of the abused, etc."

Maura studies him. He is so _familiar_ , though she's sure she's never seen him before in her life.

"When would my presence be needed?" she asks. "I'm on call here until tomorrow morning."

"At your earliest convenience, Ma'am, since you'd be doing us a great favor." He hesitates. "Although I should tell you that he does have stage four cancer and is probably not long for this world."

Maura sighs. "I see."

"Doctor," Susie says tentatively. "Why don't you go now? I can cover until you get back, and Pike is just a phone call away."

This makes Maura sigh more heavily.

"I will make sure he doesn't say anything too insensitive," Susie says with a little smirk. "If it could help some people get some closure," she finishes.

And Maura nods, looking back to Casey Jones, who is fidgeting slightly, shifting from foot to foot. She frowns at him. Something about that movement…

"I assure you, Dr. Isles," Casey says, breaking into her thoughts. "I will be there the entire time to ensure," he clears his throat. "Your safety."

Maura thinks briefly about Jane. It has been twelve days since she was last here. She nods and turns for her coat.

"Susie," she says, "text me if anything that Pike can't handle happens, okay?"

Susie nods, looking knowing. "Like if Jane shows up," she says.

Why deny it? Maura pulls her coat on, giving Susie a meaningful look. "Yes," she says. "That especially."

She turns back to the Corporal, whose smile has gone slightly hard around the edges. "Lead the way, sir," she says, and with that, She follows Casey Jones from the clinic and to his car.

If she notices the hardcover children's book on the floor mat in the back, she doesn't register the name.


	3. Get Up

_He isn't angry. He doesn't take the book away from Kara, though she watches him like a hawk from the moment they get home._

" _Mommy, I'm sorry," she whispers tearfully as Jane tucks her into bed. "Nona asked and I-"_

" _No," Jane says, kissing her forehead. "You didn't do anything wrong, honey. You hear me? You did_ _nothing_ _wrong."_

 _Kara's eyes are wide and shiny in the glow of the night light. "Mommy?"_

" _Yeah, bug?"_

" _I know that you wouldn't want to leave us behind," she says it so quietly, that Jane almost doesn't hear it._

" _I know that Daddy lied. I'm sorry that we went with him."_

 _Jane takes her daughter's face in her hands. "Listen to me, Kara, okay?"_

 _A nod._

" _If Daddy tells you to do something, and it's not dangerous, I want you to do it. Even if it means going away from me. Okay?"_

" _I don't want-"_

" _I want you to do it," Jane cuts her off again, "Because there is no way, ever, in the whole wide world, that I won't find my way back to you."_

 _Kara sits up so she can hug Jane properly. They don't say I love you._

 _It sounds too much like a good-bye._

…

…

Maura rounds the corner, stepping into the little infirmary, and she hears the click and hiss of the door locking behind her.

She sees a Medical bed against the wall, and the man who is supposed to be the serial rapist lying in the bed underneath a thin cotton blanket.

There is a woman standing over him, her long dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. Maura glances at her and then does a double take, thinking at first that her mind is playing tricks on her.

But then the woman turns, and there can be no mistaking her, though her brain refuses to compute it.

Jane.

Here.

Jane, from the clinic. With her jeans and t-shirts, and her long hair always down.

Here.

In front of her.

The brunette, for her part, looks just as shocked to see Maura, although her eyes flick up to Corporal Casey Jones, and her expression fades even more quickly to fear.

"Casey," it's clear that Jane wants this to be a command, but what comes out is a question, maybe even a plea.

"Jane," Casey says, and his voice is still gentle and soothing. "Are you surprised to see me?"

Jane looks between the two of them, clearly trying to place them together in a scenario that fits. Maura watches her go through several emotions, though she always seems to land back on fear, no matter how she fights it.

"What are you doing here?" she asks him.

Casey steps level with Maura, putting a strong hand on her shoulder. The movement makes Jane flinch.

"I brought someone along with me so that you wouldn't have to face Hoyt alone," he says. "Do you want to introduce yourself to Dr. Isles? Formally I mean."

Jane doesn't answer. She looks frozen in place, as though the shock of the moment has detached her from time.

"Allow me," Casey says as the silence goes on. "Dr. Isles, _Maura_ , this is Detective Jane Rizzoli of the 12th precinct, Boston, Massachusetts.

Maura can't help her shocked expression. Puzzle pieces that were living in her brain, previously homeless, are now falling into place.

Detective. She's a _detective_.

"She's also my wife," Casey says like he can hear her thoughts. "Though recently, not by choice. That's why I brought you here, Maura, to see if we could clear up that little dilemma. See if some extra... _convincing_ wouldn't bring my love around."

Maura's name seems to shake Jane from her haze of terror. She turns to look at the Corporal. Her husband.

"Casey," she says hoarsely. "Don't do this. Don't do this, okay? Whatever you want from me, that's fine. But Maura didn't do anything wrong."

Casey turns to look at her. "You're right, Jane," he says. "She didn't do anything wrong. Just like all the people you've hurt with your selfish ways. Did Hoyt's last victim do anything wrong?"

Jane's mouth sets into a straight line.

"What about that girl you saved last week from that horrible pedophile who just...happened to know her route home? What did _she_ do to earn such a horrible fate."

Jane shakes her head, but her determination seems to be wavering.

Maura swallows hard.

"See, Jane," Casey says, sounding thoughtful, "I was talking to my friend Hoyt here, and I was telling him how I felt so betrayed. How I felt that despite giving you several reasons not to neglect or deny me, you never seemed to get the message."

"Casey," Jane says again, sounding desperate.

"But then Hoyt told me about how he operates. He told me about torturing couples, and about how, if you really want to expose someone's weakness, _really_ exploit it. Then you have to hit them where it hurts.

Casey's hand suddenly moves from Maura's shoulder to her neck.

Maura hears Jane yell, "no!" and sees her lunge across the room at this man, who _must_ be her husband. There is no other reason for this set up.

But Casey was anticipating Jane's move. Before she can even reach a hand towards him, he has pressed the taser into her chest.

Two short buzzes, and Jane slumps to the floor. Casey pulls two zip ties from the same pocket that held the taser.

"Please hold out your hands, Doctor," he says, and once he has her secured, he kneels them both down so that they can look over Jane's prone and heaving body.

"Well, Detective Rizzoli," Casey says softly. "I think we finally found the woman you would leave me for."

….

…

 _It is Saturday night, about four in the morning, and Maura is pushing the medical cart down the hall from room 227. The clinic's latest intake is a woman and her teenage daughter, both battered and scared to death._

 _Maura spent almost an hour with the pair, explaining the clinic's services, and what they could expect. Now she wheels the car back into the waiting area, expecting it to be completely deserted._

 _She is wrong. Jane is sitting on one of the little couches, cross legged, facing away from the reception desk._

" _Jane," Maura says the words quietly, but the other woman still jumps, spinning at her name._

" _Maura," she says, a little breathless. "Jeeze, you scared me. I didn't think anyone else was up."_

 _Maura leaves the cart to come and sit next to Jane. "Late arrival," she explains. "What are you doing out here?"_

" _Riley snores," Jane answers with a chuckle. "If I don't get to sleep before him, it's a long night."_

 _Maura smiles, but doesn't comment, and for a while they just sit there, in silence.  
"Doctor?" Jane asks at length. _

" _Mmm?"_

" _Do you," she takes a deep breath. "Do you think my kids are okay?"_

 _Maura turns to look at Jane, who is sitting forward, picking nervously at her nails. The scar on her cheek is faded, not nearly as noticeable at first glance as it had been during previous visits._

" _They both seem to be bright," Maura begins, "well adjusted. Happy."_

" _No," Jane shakes her head. "I mean-"_

" _I know what you mean," Maura says gently. "And...I can't tell you that watching their mother get abused doesn't have a negative emotional effect."_

" _He doesn't do it in front of them," she protests._

 _Maura chances reaching out to take the other woman's hand. "Jane. You know that's not what I mean."_

 _Jane takes a shaky breath. "I don't know what to do," she says, almost as though she's talking to herself. "What do I do?"_

" _Walk away," Maura says._

 _Jane makes a sound that is like laughing while choking. "I can't."_

" _Yes. You can," Maura says fiercely. "The clinic will help you._ _I_ _will help you. You-"_

" _No!" Jane pulls her hands away, and puts them into her hair, like she's trying to hold her head together. "You don't get it."_

 _Maura inches a little closer. "Help me understand," she says._

 _For a long time, Jane doesn't speak. Maura has just begun to think she has pushed to hard when Jane pulls in a breath._

" _He does things," she says. "Bad things. To other people."_

 _Maura blinks, digesting this information. "He-"_

" _It's my job to stop bad things from happening to other people," Jane says, cutting her off. "I'm supposed to protect others."_

 _Maura has heard this line of reasoning before. She shakes her head. "You have to take care of you before you can help others, sweetheart," she says softly._

 _She doesn't realize she's used the endearment until she looks up to see Jane staring at her._

" _Oh," she says. "I'm sorry. I-"_

" _No." Jane wipes angrily at her eyes. "No, I...no one has called me that in a long time."_

 _Maura smiles, holding out her hands, waiting until Jane reciprocates._

" _Maura?"_

 _Her name, hesitation, and 10,000 questions._

 _Maura just nods, and brings each hand to her lips._

…

…

"Show her your hands," The order is accentuated with a little tap of his taser against her temple.

Jane blinks several times in quick succession.

She makes a sound that is almost a whimper.

Casey has already bound the doctor. She can't do anything but watch as Charles Hoyt lifts himself from the bed like a spectre from a horror movie. He shuffles over to them, his smile growing as he gets closer and closer.

"Come now, Detective Rizzoli," he says when he has reached her. "Don't be shy. Show the good doctor my work."

Jaw tight, eyes cast down to the floor, Jane holds up her own bound hands for Maura to look. And though she would give anything to be able to resist, Maura stares at Jane's palms. She stares at the scars, at the raised bumps on both the front and backs of her hands.

"She thinks you're so amazing," Casey sneers. "But you never told her about the time a serial killer had you pinned to the basement floor for three hours."

Jane makes the half whimper noise again. Her eyes have closed.

"You didn't even tell her that you were a detective. Why is that, Jane? Is it because you didn't want her looking up your name? Seeing what a shit cop you are?"

Maura feels tears in her eyes. She looks towards the door, locked and sealed, and Casey catches her looking.

"No one's coming, Dr. Isles," he says, sneering at her.

She realizes at once what is so familiar about him. His features are _Riley's_ features, his mannerisms the same as those she's seen on Jane's son.

"You bit her," Maura says. It's the first thing she's said since coming face to face with Jane, and both Casey and Hoyt look at her, surprised.

"You bit her," She growls again. "Sometimes hard enough to draw blood."

Casey blinks at her, thoroughly caught off guard.

Maura finds that she cannot stop speaking. "You raped her. You took away her agency and her support system. You made her doubt herself. You tried to control her so completely that she would stop fighting you. You tried to make her give up. You tried to break her."

Casey has turned his full attention on her now. She can see in his face that her knowledge has thrown him.

"What do you know, you fucking bitch?" It is a lame retort, by any standards. Maura would laugh, if there were anything funny about this situation.

"She beat you anyway," Maura says. "What are you going to do tonight, Casey? Kill her? Have Hoyt kill her? Then she's free from you. Then she's completely out of your control." Maura makes sure that she's looking directly into his eyes.

"Then she wins for good."

This gives Casey pause, but for the first time, Hoyt makes a noise.

He laughs, a soft, wheezy chuckle that makes the hairs on the back of Maura's neck stand up.

"Oh, Dr. Isles," he says gently, like he is talking to a little girl. "We're not going to kill Jane."

He smiles at her, and somehow, she knows what's coming before it arrives.

"It's _you_ we're going to murder today, doctor." Charles says. "Don't you see? It _has_ to be you."

…

…

 _When did this happen?_

 _Why didn't she do anything to stop it?_

 _Is it unprofessional?_

 _Does it put her in danger?_

 _She should tell Susie, right? When a doctor begins to develop feelings for a patient, that means that any hope of an unbiased opinion goes directly out the window. So she should tell Susie in case there should ever come a time… When what?_

 _It's not like the feelings are mutual, right? It's not like this woman, napping in her arms while her children are playing next door, is anything more than a frightened, battered woman who needs shelter._

 _She can be shelter while also having feelings, can't she? She should be able to walk that line, right?_

 _No._

 _Oh God, no. It's so unprofessional it's laughable. It's so wrong, and horrible, and extremely exploitative. She will tell Jane when she wakes that she's crossed a line. That although the feeling of being trusted is better than any legal or illegal drug Maura could name, it isn't right._

 _It's not right._

 _It doesn't matter that it feels so right._

 _._

 _._

 _But then Jane will roll over in her arms, and her brow will crease, or her nose will twitch._

 _She will wake up and let Maura help her sit. Let her help fit the loose sweatshirt back over her t-shirt._

 _And nothing she thought before this will matter in the slightest._

…

…

"Hoyt! Don't you touch her!"

Maura cannot move. The stinging sensation on the side of her neck tells her that the scalpel she glimpsed has been put to use, and what little she can see of the room is not promising. Hoyt's face, so close to her own.

No sign of Jane.

"Okay, Casey," Jane, her voice high and thick. Full of tears. "Okay. You win. You _win_. Whatever you want. Just stop this now. Please. Don't hurt her. Don't let him hurt her. Casey. _Please._ "

Charles is smiling at Maura, his teeth are straight, but off color. He brings the scalpel right up near her face so that she can see it.

"I win," he whispers.

And then, as though he cannot stop himself from gloating just a little bit more, he turns away from her.

Maura sees him look over his shoulder, his smile little kid wide.

"I win, Jane," he says. He holds the scalpel up in salute.

And that is the last thing that happens in any type of normal, regular speed fashion.

Jane makes a noise that is somewhere between a word and a primal, gut wrenching scream. The sound makes Maura close her eyes, because she is sure that it means Hoyt has raised his scalpel and is preparing to kill her.

She takes comfort in the thought that someone might make that sound for her; that Jane - seeing that Maura was about to be killed - could produce a cry that was at once heartbroken, and extremely full.

But she does not die.

She doesn't even come all that close.

Jane is stronger, it turns out, than anyone in the room gave her credit for.

Maura can hear the taser, though she can't lift her head to see who is wielding it, and who is on the receiving end. But she hears Jane's voice again, the hard, grunting force of effort as she talks and wounds at the same time.

"I. Fucking. Hate. You." Each word punctuated with a full stop.

It can only be Casey she is shocking. Her husband.

"This. Is. For. Mandy."

"This. Is. For. Emily."

Maura blinks heavily. She wants to cry, but it seems that her tear ducts have been frozen as well.

"NO!"

God that voice, that strength. Did she know it was there all along, and has only just decided to use it?

"I Win! And you're going to Hell alone."

In Psychology, Maura learned that a person addicted to gambling will sometimes see a losing streak as a sign that their luck is about to turn. The addict's brain compensates for the depression that often accompanies loss by saying 'hey! It's okay! This just means when you win, it will be huge.'

The burst of dopamine and serotonin that flood the senses when this random win finally occurs is often directly related to the length of the dry spell.

Maura thinks this disjointedly, wondering vaguely, just before she loses consciousness, what Jane's brain must look like, after a win this big.

…

…

" _Get up! Get up! You're just going to stay down? You're that pathetic? Get up you stupid, fucking cunt."_

 _Jane had stayed down, and stayed down, and stayed down. Willing herself into submission for the safety of her children, and her parents and her friends._

 _She thought of the people who died for her without even knowing her name, and the soft concern that she sees on her therapist's face every two weeks when he asks her, "And how about the anger? Are you still feeling volatile?"_

 _Volatile? She's a fucking powder keg._

 _He puts his knee in the middle of her spine, and he leans right down to put his mouth against her ear and he says. "Get up. I dare you."_

 _And she stays down._

…

 _But here is Casey, with his hand around her wrists, smiling at her like it's his birthday, and on the other bed is the doctor._

 _Maura_

 _With Hoyt._

 _And he presses the scalpel to her neck enough to make her bleed. And Casey breathes against her ear._

" _What does she taste like?"_

 _And Maura's eyes blink up at the ceiling very fast, like she's trying not to cry. Jane remembers when they sat together on the big sofa in the Rec Room, watching Tangled with her children. The evil step mother was singing a song about domination. She was keeping her daughter under lock and key. When she got angry, her face contorted into one almost unrecognizable._

 _And when Jane had looked away from the screen, unable to bear it, Maura had fit her hand into the space between her shoulder and her ear, thumb running slowly just once, against her cheek._

" _It's alright, darling," said absently, the doctor's eyes not coming off the screen._

 _What throw away affection, from a woman who barely knew her._

 _What amazing, overwhelming kindness, for a mother who couldn't find anymore to give._

" _I'm gonna fuck her too." Casey's breath is hot on her face for a moment, and then he turns his head again to watch the show._

 _His weight shifts on top of her, holding her in place._

 _Stay down._

 _And what about those hands on her back, or the way she announced her every move when Jane couldn't see her. What about the way she'd been so fierce and so sad when she'd looked Jane in the eye and told her Casey was a liar._

" _He's a_ _liar_ _!"_

 _And what about her clinic, and her smile, and her safety._

 _What about the unfaltering belief she placed in Jane's ability when she said, quite simply,_

' _Walk away.'_

 _Casey pulls her up, so that she can see Hoyt, almost on top of Maura on the other bed. Hoyt turns to look at her, leering and ecstatic._

 _He raises the scalpel in a half salute. "I win, Jane."_

 _Jane gets up.  
_


	4. Go Home

_Maura does not get to speak to Jane for nine weeks. She sees her sometimes, when she is being escorted in and out of the precinct. And once, on her way out, she meets Jane's brother, Frankie, as he is entering with her children._

" _Dr. Maura!" Riley cries, taking the stairs two at a time to meet her. Kara is hot on his heels, and she accepts their hugs without question, blinking away the wetness that comes unbidden to her eyes._

" _Hello, you two!" she says. Her smile feels wide enough to crack her face. "It's so good to see you!"_

 _She has spent a difficult morning in an interrogation room, recounting each of Jane's injuries for two lawyers, an impartial doctor, Detective Frost, and Segeant Korsak. Jane has signed the release. She had even penned a little post-it along with it: "if anyone is going to tell them, I want it to be you -J."_

 _Even still, Maura finds breaking doctor patient confidentiality uncomfortable, especially when she sees the effect it has on Jane's colleagues._

 _Detective Frost had become visibly upset when she detailed the cut to Jane's cheek._

" _Frost," Korsak had warned._

" _No," Frost said thickly. "She let me believe it was drinking. She stood there and let me talk to her about AA, and PTSD, and rage like she was a blackout drunk and not just a mother trying to protect her kids. How didn't we see it, Korsak?"_

" _Detective Frost, do you need to take a moment outside?" the impartial doctor had been the one to speak up._

 _And Frost had nodded curtly, glancing at Maura before making his way outside._

 _He hadn't returned._

 _Now, Kara pulls away from the hug and smiles up at Maura. She's grown at least an inch, and she looks more like Jane than Maura remembers._

" _You've grown!" Maura says, hearing how emotional her voice sounds._

 _Frankie Rizzoli has paused a few steps down, and although he isn't exactly smiling, he makes no move to break up the little reunion._

" _You too!" Riley says. "You grew too!"_

" _Grown-ups don't grow, Rye," Kara says without taking her eyes off of Maura. "We miss you."_

 _Maura puts her hand on Kara's head. "I miss you too, darling," she admits. "How are you getting along?"_

" _Uncle Frankie took us to In 'n Out burger and I got my own shake!"_

 _This does make Frankie move forward, shaking his head. "The agreement was that if you got your own, you would keep it a secret," he says good naturedly. He holds out his hand to Maura._

" _It's nice to formally meet you, Dr. Isles,"_

 _Maura shakes his hand, unable to stop the question before it slips from her mouth. "Is it?"_

 _Frankie tilts his head, looking amused. "Yes," he says, gesturing to the kids that they should head inside. "I hear that my sister owes her freedom, and possibly her life, to you."_

 _And before Maura can tell him that Jane had saved her, and not the other way around, he is leading Kara and Riley up the stairs and into the building._

 _They arrive at the clinic two weeks later, Riley bursting through the door first, as usual, and Maura steps from behind the front desk, and then freezes._

 _Kara comes through the door next, and she's holding her mother's hand._

 _It's Jane._

 _She still has the hint of a limp, and the hand that is not holding onto Kara is pressed to her side like an echo of its time in a sling. But she is really, truly there, eyes fixed on Maura with nervous, wondrous awe._

 _Riley only slows down on his way past her. "Going to play mutant turtles!" he cries excitedly._

 _Kara follows him with a roll of her eyes. She has a book tucked under her arm. "Hi, Maura," she says as she passes._

 _Maura has trouble looking at any one but Jane. The detective stops a couple feet away, smiling nervously._

" _I hope this is okay," she says, when Maura doesn't speak. "We got an apartment…but it's being painted this week, so we got a hotel room. I thought it would be like this place, you know? Two beds and a coffee machine. Not so different."_

 _She runs her good hand through her hair. "But the kids couldn't sleep. And even I kept hearing weird noises…" She trails off, looking at Maura and then away. Her smile fades._

" _If you don't want us here-" she begins, and that's when Maura realizes she hasn't spoken. She's just been standing there staring._

 _She stumbles forward and puts her arms around Jane, pressing her face to her shoulder. She smells so familiar. She smells so good._

" _You're here," she says into the fabric of Jane's shirt. "You came."_

" _I…Needed to see you, Maura." The confession makes Jane sag a little._

" _Good," Maura answers, still holding tight. "I mean, God. I'm glad."_

 _When she finally pulls away to look Jane in the eye, the brunette blushes slightly, laughing a little._

" _When are you done today?" she asks._

" _Four," Maura answers. "Will you stay until then? You can have 212. It's open."_

" _Yeah, of course," Jane says. She pulls away gently, heading toward the back room. "See you at Fourish, doctor."_

 _For the first time in two months, Maura feels like she can breathe._

…

Jane is at her best, at her clearest, when focusing on her children. Maura, Frost, and Frankie help the family move into a three bedroom apartment on the edge of the South End, and they watch Riley do cartwheels in his tiny new room, stopping only to hug his mother around the waist when she promises to take him to a Red Sox game.

Kara likes her room too, though her reaction is more subdued. It is her tenth birthday in a week, and Jane has said yes to a sleepover for the first time.

"I didn't know it before," she tells Maura later, "but it's because of daddy. That's why I couldn't have a sleepover before."

She doesn't seem to require an answer, which is good, because Maura doesn't have one to give.

"They don't get it," Jane tells her that night after they've gone to bed. "They don't understand everything that's going on. I don't know what to tell them."

"They understand that their mother removed a threat from their lives," Maura replies softly. "And when the time comes for them to understand more, you will help them with that too."

Jane's shoulders rise and fall. She is sleeping in the living room on a new mattress, just delivered a day ago. She'd refused to move any of the bedroom furniture from her old place.

The bed she shared with Casey would not follow her into this new life.

"Will you help me?" she asks Maura, not looking up. "When the time comes?"

Maura takes Jane's hand. "Of course," She says.

Much to the dismay of her partner and her family, Maura has become Janes go to confidante. She calls Maura every day, and their text thread in her cellphone is longer than the doctor ever imagined a text thread could be.

Jane trusts Maura with her kids, and with the oversight of packing up the house when Jane is called into the precinct. Maura is the only one who does not ever get shut out or ignored. Jane's brother Frankie, and her partner Frost are forgiving. They each give Jane the space she needs to return to those relationships, but Angela, Jane's mother, will not be put off.

She makes the mistake of picking up Kara from school without telling Jane, and the message the detective leaves on Maura's voicemail is garbled and tearful. It is panic in its rawest form.

Maura makes it to Angela's in time to see Jane burst out of the front door. Riley is in her arms and Kara follows close behind, her eyes red rimmed from crying.

"…Taking you off the approved list because you clearly, clearly can't understand or respect my wishes," Jane is saying.

Angela follows after her, looking perplexed. "I was trying to be helpful, Jane," She calls indignantly. "It's not like I kidnapped them. Honestly!"

This is the exact wrong thing to say, and Jane looks slightly deranged as she whirls to face her mother.

But Maura reaches her before she can say anything.

"Okay," She says, putting a steady hand on Jane's back, and another on Riley's cheek. "Okay," She says again, soothing. "Look, Jane, we're all here."

Maura feels Jane relax under her hand. "There you go," she says softly. She strokes Riley's cheek, and he grins at her through his tears. "Hello, my love," she says to him.

"Hi Maura," he replies shakily. "Mommy's mad at Nona."

"I see that," Maura says. "But it's okay. It was just a misunderstanding. She got scared. But everything it alright now, sweetheart."

"Dr. Isles," Angela says curtly. "Could you give us-"

"I didn't want to go with you!" Kara cries suddenly, pointing furiously at her grandmother. "Why did you make me? I said Mommy would worry and we should wait, but you didn't listen to me!"

Maura does not consider her actions, simply steps forward and gathers the girl into her arms, soothing her as she did her mother.

Angela watches them as they turn and head down the walk to Maura's car.

"I'll call you at home later, Jane, okay?" she calls. "When we've all had some time to calm down."

Jane installs Riley's booster seat into Maura's car with shaking hands while Kara climbs in behind the driver's seat.

"Good fucking luck," Jane murmurs, "We won't be there."

When they are all in the car, Jane turns to look at Kara and Riley.

"I don't want to go to the apartment," Kara sniffs.

Jane smiles. "Where do you want to go, babe?"

"Some place safe," Kara says.

"212!" Riley pipes up. "212 mommy?"

Jane looks at Maura. "212, Doctor?" she asks.

Maura is already texting ahead.

…

…

 _Maura goes with Jane to her meeting with Sergeant Korsak, and watches as he apologizes. He leans forward and asks for her forgiveness, clearly hoping to pull on something familiar and intimate that might have once existed in their relationship._

" _It's fine," Jane says, not meeting his eye. "You didn't know what was going on."_

 _Korsak looks at Maura, surprised, and then back at Jane. "We should have figured it out," Korsak says. He doesn't say that Casey was convincing, or that they all expected Jane to be damaged._

 _He says, "I don't know what would have happened to me if Hoyt attacked me, what mindset I'd be in. When Casey came and told us you were having trouble at home-"_

" _I wasn't having trouble at home," Jane growls. It's her first outburst in front of other people, and she looks instantly regretful. She takes three, deep breaths._

" _I understand why you thought what you did," she says. "I didn't handle things well."_

" _Jane," Korsak says somberly. "You handled everything, every single circumstance, more amazingly than I would ever have imagined. I could not be prouder of you."_

 _Jane nods. She glances up and then away, and a muscle in her jaw jumps. "Thank you," she says tightly._

 _Korsak looks like this is not at all how he wanted the conversation to go. He looks supremely sad. When he stands, he holds out his hand, and when she puts hers out too, he refuses to let go until she looks at him._

" _Jay," he says softly. "You have no idea how-"_

 _But she tugs her hand from his and turns away. "Forget it," she says over her shoulder. "Water under the bridge, right?"_

 _Maura and Korsak watch her go._

" _I hate that bastard so much," he says under his breath. "I hate how he played us. She's gotta think we all just sold her out for a quarter."_

" _It's a common tactic, for an abuser to isolate his victim. Casey saw a vulnerability and used it to his advantage." Maura puts her hand on his arm, trying for comfort._

" _Time," she says. "She's forced herself not to react to things for so long. To not expect help. She endured a lot in silence for a very long time."_

 _Vince looks at her sharply, and Maura realizes that she is the only one who was privy to Jane's physical suffering._

" _Time," she repeats, squeezing his shoulder. "She just needs time."_

…

…

Jane cries over spaghetti.

Maura has been invited over to the new apartment for dinner, and she arrives to find Jane teary eyed over a pot of linguini, her arms crossed tightly across her chest.

The whole house smells like marinara sauce and garlic.

"Oh," Maura reaches out for Jane. She doesn't know what has brought this on, but she doesn't ask. It doesn't matter.

"Don't cry, sweetheart," she says, putting a hand on Jane's arm. "It's-"

"Ugly," Jane cuts her off, pulling away. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm okay."

Maura can only stare, she's so taken aback. "What?" she asks finally. "Ugly?"

Jane nods, wiping at her eyes, regaining control. "I'm sorry. I'm fine now. Dinner is almost ready."

Maura has to try very hard not to grab Jane's arm and spin her around, but instead put her hand gently on the brunette's shoulder.

"Will you look at me, Jane? Please?"

Jane turns slowly…not raising her eyes to meet Maura's.

Maura cups her chin in her hands. "You could never, in a million years, be ugly. Understand that?"

"Maura," Jane sighs. "It's okay. You don't have to-"

"Jane." Maura's raised voice makes Jane freeze for a quick second, before forcing herself to relax.

"Honey," Maura says, and she pulls the taller woman into a hug. She has realized that this understanding will not be resolved today. She has already handled it incorrectly, and will have to wait for another opportunity.

She gets her chance two weeks later, picking Jane up from a therapy session with her mother. Usually she gets to the office building to find Jane waiting for her alone. This time, however, when she pulls up to the curb, Angela Rizzoli is there too.

Maura doesn't have to roll the window down to be able to tell that the older woman is yelling.

She pulls to a stop and opens the door, and Angela's shrill tone hits her square in the face.

"... Don't know why you are still harboring such resentment, after all this time. Riley is turning six in a month, Jane! You're just not going to invite your mother to his birthday?"

Jane wraps her arms around herself, turning away from her mother to Maura's car. It seems she takes refuge in the doctor's presence whenever she and Angela fight, and Maura doesn't blame the older woman for the glare she throws in her direction.

Jane curls into the front seat, and Maura does not touch her. They drive in silence to the house, and Jane barely waits for the car to come to a stop before she is out on the sidewalk.

When Maura pulls the front door shut behind her, she can hear the rhythmic _thwap, thwap_ , of the punching bag in the side room.

.

Funny thing, the way the body adapts to trauma.

Jane has survived enough suffering to last her a lifetime. She has forced herself to adapt to each situation, to stand against the onslaught of abuse and punishment, like a statue, never wavering.

Now, suddenly she finds herself suddenly without the constant fear of retribution, without the worry that each corner holds another shoe about to drop.

She is finally free, and Jane's body, funny, beautiful, adaptable thing that it is, begins to punish itself.

Even as she mourns it, Maura marvels at the detective's conditioning. Jane is even keeled to a fault, burying her anger deep inside herself until she can find solitude, until she can be alone with the punching bag, or the sit up bar.

Alone in the shower, or in her bedroom, or in the park at the top of the hill.

Maura listens to the sound of Jane's fists on the bag. A steady beat. _Alone, Alone, Alone._

And full of anger.

Maura takes a moment to gather herself outside the door of the little gym. There is no point in denying that she is attracted to Jane. She can feel the emotion grow every time they are close to each other. She adores Kara and Riley as well, and when they all sit down in the front room of her house, or crowd together onto the new sofa in the apartment, Maura cannot think of a place she'd rather be.

And she knows, by the way she sometimes catches Jane looking at her, that the attraction is most likely mutual.

But what Jane needs right now is not the added pressure of a new relationship, or the thousands of checks and balances that come with navigating that relationship when children are involved. What she needs in the moment is an unconditional friend. Someone who will be there for her without any ulterior motive.

Maura intends to be that person. She takes a deep breath, and pushes the door to the work out room open.

 _Thwap. Thwap._ Maura watches Jane execute a flawless combination. Cross, upper cut, cross, kick. Her eyes are focused with deadly intent on the bag.

They are bloodshot.

"Jane," Maura says softly.

Jane stops abruptly, shoulders heaving. Her hands are hastily wrapped, and she's not wearing gloves. Her knuckles are red and painful looking.

"I want to come over there," Maura tells her.

Jane shakes her head. "No," she says hoarsely. "Don't."

"I want to help you. I want to hold you."

"No," Jane says, a little more forcefully. "I…can't."

"It's okay to be upset. It's understandable, _probable_ actually. I don't know a person who has been in your position who wouldn't be angry in your position." She pauses, but Jane continues to face away from her, and doesn't answer.

" _I_ was furious," Maura says into the silence. "For a long time."

Jane turns to face her. "You were?"

Maura nods. "Yes. Our situations are different, but yes. I was very angry. And it made me feel weak, and isolated, and…helpless."

Jane looks at her for a long time before speaking again. Maura allows the silence.

"What has his name?"

"Garrett," Maura says. She wonders if Jane hears the lack of inflection in her voice when she says his name. She thinks that she must.

"Did he hit you?"

"Yes," Maura says calmly. "And I didn't have the strength to leave him."

Jane presses her hands together. She hits her knuckles against each other, just hard enough. "What happened?" She asks.

"He killed his brother," Maura says. She has trained herself to do so. "In front of me."

Jane's eyebrows rise, but she doesn't look as shocked as others have.

"He was trying to help me," Maura says. "He was trying to help me get out. And Garrett killed him."

"Jesus," Jane says under her breath. "Maura."

"Tell me why you're angry," Maura says. She takes a step forward.

Jane shakes her head, turning herself half away.

"No," Maura says firmly. "Don't bury it. Tell me. Tell me what upsets you. He isolated you, Jane. He cut off your contact with other people, and then, when that wasn't enough he manipulated those around you. He made them think you were dangerous! He made other people think you were the monster that he was."

Jane shakes her head like she's trying to shake off a fly. "Stop," she growls.

"He told you that your tears were _ugly_ , Jane! Do you know how cruel and abusive that is? When did he say it? Was he inside you? Did the look on your face make him smile?"

Jane hits the punching back hard. The thick sound vibrates straight through to Maura's bones, and she moves closer.

"Don't hate yourself," she says fiercely. "Stop aiming your anger at _yourself_."

Jane turns to look at her. There are tears dripping down her cheeks and off of her nose.

"Hate _him,_ honey," Maura whispers. "Hate him. It's okay."

Maura is there when Jane collapses. She has anticipated it, and she is there to wrap her arms around Jane's waist and guide her safely to the floor.

"I hate him," she cries against Maura's shoulder. "I hate him for what he did to me. I _hate_ him for-" but she cuts herself off abruptly, clearly at the limits of what her brain will allow.

Maura holds her tightly. She presses her face to Jane's neck, breathing in sweat and shampoo. "It's okay."

They stay like that for a long time. Jane cries again, quiets. She uses her t-shirt to wipe her nose.

"You're beautiful," Maura tells her. "You've always been so beautiful to me."

Jane's smile is tired, but genuine. "I love you so much, Maura," she says, "and I know that you love me too."

Maura nuzzles her face against the baby soft skin at the base of Jane's skull, but she doesn't answer.

"I think it might stay," Jane continues. "I think it might stay when all the rest of the heavy parts go. And…I'm really hoping it does. But if it goes too – even if it goes for you and not me – promise that you'll say something." Jane shifts so that they can look each other in the eye. "That's what happened with me and Casey," she says. "He pulled me up out of some rough parts, and I loved him for it. And then when the rough parts went, my love went too. But I didn't say anything."

Maura nods. She reaches out and tucks some of Jane's hair behind her ear.

"I can't imagine this going," she says.

"Me either," Jane admits. "But promise if it does, you'll say something."

"You promise too."

Jane leans forward and presses her lips to Maura's. Just one, short kiss, not even enough time for Maura to properly close her eyes.

"I promise." Jane says.

…

…

 _They are going to have to leave 212 behind. They both know it, and they even talk about it some nights, after Kara and Riley have fallen asleep in whatever bed Jane tucks them into._

 _It's not good for them to think of the clinic as the only safe space. They need to spend time in the apartment, put up posters, carve their names into the baseboards and mark their height progression on the wall in the kitchen._

 _Jane wants to start all of these traditions._

 _She can't make herself._

 _They go to the clinic on Maura's off weekend, and while Kara and Riley are out on the playground, Jane sleeps hard in Maura's arms in the bed she is the most familiar with._

 _Maura watches the dreams play across her features until they turn stormy, and then she squeezes Jane's shoulder until she wakes with a gasp._

" _Maura!" Jane wheezes. "Casey! There was so much blood."_

" _It's over," Maura says, though this is not technically true. "He's dead."_

" _I killed him," she chokes out. "He was going to kill you. So I killed him."_

 _Maura doesn't say anything in return, and thirty seconds later, Jane is asleep again, breathing deeply._

 _When she wakes up, she doesn't remember her dream._

…

…

It lasts.

Past Kara's bulimia, Riley's sudden, terrible night terrors, and Jane's all-encompassing guilt about both things.

Past the re-certification that Jane flies through without effort, and the panic attack during her first case that puts her back in recovery for almost a month.

Past the earth shaking, glass shattering fight that Jane has with Casey's unit over how he should be buried, and past the rib cracking way she'd cried when they were gone, locked in the bathroom with Maura on the other side, on her knees.

Jane slides into bed next to Maura, and she presses her face to the side of her shoulder and she says, "today I left the kids with Ma for like, three hours and I didn't text once. Korsak made this stupid joke, and I didn't feel like he was such a jackass to be joking around like he didn't sell me out." She takes a deep breath.

"I still want to know what it feels like to kiss you."

Maura smiles and shuts her eyes tight, and they fall asleep holding hands.

It lasts past Christmas, the kids slipping into their bedroom at Maura's, standing nervous and giggly at the end of the bed until one of the adults had opened a sleepy eye and beckoned them up. When Maura needs something bright to pull on during long days at the Clinic, she will find Kara's eyes that morning in her memory, and the awed way she had snuggled under the covers next to her mother, overwhelmed that this closeness could be shared without consequence.

It stays strong through Jane's father's disapproval at her living arrangements, and through Maura's mother's disapproval at her flagrant disregard for appearances.

Jane yells at Maura's mother, and then yells at her father, and then she storms out onto the porch and laughs until she's crying. Maura follows her out, and slides her arms around her waist.

"I punched Frost in the shoulder at work today," Jane says, still laugh crying. "Hard. Like old times."

It has lasted to this moment. They've been careful to check in, to stay honest.

 _Do you still?_

 _Yes, I still._

But this is the moment when Maura feels it grow.

…

…

 _She walks in on Jane in the middle of touching herself._

 _Her gasp makes Jane's eyes fly open, but the tension in her bicep does not disappear. The build-up only falls away the smallest amount._

" _I-I'm sorry," Maura says, and immediately the flush of hives adds itself to the already present flush of arousal._

" _I should-"_

" _Stay." Jane's eyes have closed again, but she repeats herself, more firmly. "Stay. God. Please."_

 _So Maura slides in beside her, already aching, and rests her forehead against Jane's shoulder, just listening as she gets closer and closer to climax._

" _Fuck," Jane hisses. "Maura. Help me."_

 _And Maura knows that she doesn't mean 'touch me,' or 'kiss me,' or anything that is more physical than what they are doing right now._

" _It's me," Maura says, moving up so her mouth is right by Jane's ear. "That's_ _me_ _, Jane."_

 _That is all it takes. Jane goes arches, and spasms, and then falls, sweaty and melty against the bed. "Maura," she murmurs. "You now."_

 _Maura is already slipping her hand past the waistband of her pants. It doesn't take her long at all, mostly because Jane rolls over halfway through to mouth languidly at her ear._

 _They fall asleep and Maura wakes up to the click of the door as it pushes open. Susie returning Kara and Riley to the room for the evening. Maura smiles as them, and they smile back._

 _Jane snores._

 _It is safe, warm, comfortable night._

 _It is their last one in 212._

…

…

"How do you know you're through something?" Jane asks her children.

They are setting the table for Rizzoli Sunday, and in the other room the sound of their extended family rises for a moment before falling away.

Riley and Kara share a look.

"You should just ask her to move in with us, Momma," Riley says. His voice crackles with suppressed laughter. "Just ask her to be your girlfriend."

Jane throws a napkin at him, but it opens in midair and doesn't make it all the way across the table.

"Is it my fault you two are so smart?" another genuine question, though this one is masked as a tease.

Kara has been focusing on the silverware, but she looks up at this, a tiny smile on her face. For a while, her eating disorder made her features look as though they were carved from stone. It's only in recent months that she's started to look like a pre-teen again.

"It's not your fault," she says. "It is your genes."

Riley nods, shifting his gaze from his sister to his mother. "Yep!" he agrees. "So like I said. Just ask her. If Kara barfs tomorrow, we know it was the wrong move."

It is his sister's turn to turn a dining utensil into an accessory. Riley dodges, and then moves to sling an arm around her.

"My sister," he says, as he has done in place of 'I love you' for almost a year.

"My brother," Kara echoes. She looks happy. At ease.

Jane looks at her children, not as young as before, and still too helpful for their own good, entering adulthood.

It is entirely her doing.

"Where should we go tonight?" she asks them, meaning the apartment or the house that used to belong only to Maura.

Riley and Kara share another look, and then her son shrugs.

"Doesn't matter," he says.

Kara nods in agreement. "Yeah," she says.

"Let's just go home."


End file.
